Another Day in Paradise

I just read a post that my friend had written about feeling bipolar because she's now a stay at home mom and in a matter of seconds she goes from loving it and feeling blessed to wondering why she stays home. So, to make Karen feel better, here is a recap of yesterday in my life.

January 17th

midnight

I am in Fisher's room rocking him after he has screamed and cried for no apparent reason. He falls asleep, and instead of throwing him back in bed immediately, I take the time to look at him sleeping. I LOVE my little man.

12:45

I crawl back in bed next to my sick, snoring husband. (I do not look at him and think about how much I love him while he sleeps.)

1:30

Barrett is screaming for his Daddy. Daddy is sick. Mommy gets up. All he wants is a sip of milk. As I leave his room, he tells me he loves me. I'm a little mad I'm up, but he is so sweet.

2:10

Crying? Who is crying? I cover my head with the pillow.

2:20
Ok, I can't ignore it anymore. Fisher is awake again. I make a bottle and head to his room. He is standing in the crib which is never a good sign in the middle of the night. He is WIDE awake. It doesn't take me long to realize that he's crying because his bed is wet. There is pee everywhere. When I change his diaper, it is soaked. How can a kid pee that much in two hours? I change the sheets and mattress pad while mumbling words kids shouldn't hear. I stop to be thankful Fisher can't talk. Fisher is screaming the whole time, but somehow Doug is able to sleep through it all. Since he is sick, I'm not too bitter. I rock Fisher to sleep again. I do not pause to think about how much I love him.

3:15

I crawl almost crying back into bed.

4:00

Barrett is screaming for Daddy. I kick Doug and tell him Barrett needs him. Luckily for him, he gets up without saying anything.

5:00

The alarm goes off. Seven minutes later, it goes off again. I tell Doug he has to get up or sleep in because I hate the alarm.

5:30

Doug makes so much noise getting ready that I really want to yell at him. I'm too tired.

5:45

Doug comes and not only says goodbye, but he thanks me for taking care of the boys all night. I decide not to yell at him for waking me up again.

6:00

Barrett is screaming. I am so afraid he'll wake Fisher up, I run to get him. I step on one of those STUPID alphabet fridge letters. I yell a bad word. When I get in Barrett's room, he asks me if I said, "Shit." I'm too tired to lie. I apologize for using a bad word, and I take him into my room. I tell him we'll snuggle.

6:15

Barrett is back asleep. I actually enjoy watching him for a few minutes. Just as I start to fall asleep, Barrett kicks me in the face. I give up and get out of bed.

6:45

I already have laundry folded and the dishwasher emptied. Barrett is packed for school, and the diaper bag is ready to go.

7:00

Barrett gets up. He is very demanding. We watch Diego. He wants the one with the dinosaurs. I have seen this episode so many times I want to die. Barrett tells me not to answer the questions. I answer them louder. He tells me to leave the room. If I had only known that would work....

7:45

I am "dressed" for the day, and Fisher is up.

8:00

Barrett has a massive poop. I will not go into details.

8:30

I am done cleaning. Yes, it took 30 minutes.

8:40

I argue with Barrett about what he's wearing to school. He does not want to wear pants. He does not care that it is 40 degrees outside. I let him go out in a diaper. He decides pants are ok. I throw Fisher in his carrier in his jammies, and we load up and leave.

8:50

I forgot Barrett's nap mat. U-turn.

9:15

I walk Barrett into school, tell him I love him, and leave as fast as I can.

9:15-12

I look everywhere for invitations for Fisher's first birthday. I already found ones I love that are too expensive. Fisher is not happy about getting in and out of the car over and over again. He screams constantly. After driving all over the world and spending a million dollars in gas, I go buy the ones I really want.

12

We go home so Fisher can run around. Fisher just wants to be held. I hold Fisher while trying to get anything done. Nothing gets accomplished. Fisher is still not happy.

1:15

Fisher finally wants to get down and play. It's time to leave because I have a meeting at church. I realize he's still in his jammies. Oh-well.

1:45

I meet with a lady that irritates me. She makes me madder. It's church, so I bite my tongue. (My tongue still hurts.)

2:15

I get Barrett from his room. Barrett is mad at me because some other mom put a note in her daughter's lunch, and he did not get a note from me. Seriously? As we load up the car, he is still unhappy with me. I give him a piece of candy. He's not mad anymore.

2:30

We go to the grocery store. It takes about 10 seconds to realize that Barrett did not get a good nap at Mother's Day Out. Fisher is also napless. We need groceries. I'm screwed.

A woman in the baking aisle tries to talk to Barrett. He tells her to go away. I apologize, but she gives me a dirty look anyway. I giggle because it was funny.

Barrett throws a tomato on the floor. It makes a mess. I have him get down and help me clean it up. He cries the entire time, but I am proud of myself for making him clean it up.

Barrett throws another tomato. No one sees. We leave the mess. I'm too tired to be a good role model.

I decide that we have enough, and I go to check out.

Barrett has a melt down about M&Ms. He does not get them. He did not earn them. The checker tells me where the M&Ms are. I tell her we don't need them. She tells me again where I can find them. Did she not hear me? I don't care if everyone around me is willing to buy them, we're not getting them.

3:30

We get home from the store. Barrett has another meltdown because we got home 5 minutes too late to see the big kids get off the school bus.

3:40

The kids, groceries, all the other crap, and I make it into the house.

3:41

I call the neighbor to see if her daughter can play. She says yes! Barrett is happy. They even want him to come over there. Woo Hoo!

4:00

Barrett is at the front door. Sydney has ballet to go to. He is not happy.

Both boys are unhappy. We go into the playroom. I want to cry too. Why in the world am I staying home when I could be working?

4:10

Both boys seem happy. I run to check email. While I am on the computer, I check local school districts for job openings. There is a position I would like. Before I can start applying, Fisher is screaming.

Fisher has a busted lip. Barrett tells me he hit him. There is blood on the carpet. I want wood floors.

4:20-5:30

Barrett goes to time out over and over again. Fisher is crying. I am trying to make dinner. I call Doug to see how close he is to home. He's still at work.

I cry.

6:00

Barrett is happy in his chair with markers. Fisher is occupied watching Mickey Mouse and chewing on things. I am getting dinner made. This mommy thing is easy.

6:20

Fisher wants to be held, Barrett wants something that he doesn't even know what it is, and I burn the meat.

I put Fisher in his bed, Barrett in the playroom, and I hide for a few minutes to regroup.

6:30

I collect the kids again. It is still not pleasant. Gretchen calls and laughing says, "You should hear what your house sounds like over the phone!" If I could slap through the phone, I would.

6:35

Sydney comes back to play. She amuses both boys. I get laundry put away, dinner finished, the kitchen clean, and toys a little more organized. Doug gets home and it looks like I have it all together.

7:00

We eat dinner. Fisher eats a ton. Barrett eats two fish sticks. I clean up and tell Doug I need time alone.

I spend 10 minutes in the tub before I hear screaming. It doesn't stop. I get out of the tub to find Barrett in time out and Fisher upset. Doug says it's under control.

8:15

We attempt putting Fisher to bed because he is so cranky. I realize he's still in the same jammies, but I don't care at this point. Barrett is watching Diego. We decide that Fisher is not tired, so Doug brings him back into the living room. He projectile vomits ALL over the place. I go to start cleaning, and he pukes more and more and more. Barrett is fascinated. I take off his jammies and put him in the tub. He's happy.

Doug takes a shower, I clean the carpet as best I can. (I really want wood floors.) I also clean the entertainment center and two chairs. Barrett keeps asking what the bad smell is. Fisher is crawling around happy.

9:30

We finish cleaning and put both boys in bed.

9:45

I crawl in bed just glad the day is over.

10:30

Fisher is crying... I pretend I don't hear him, and Doug gets up. :)


So, that is a day in my life.

I think every Mommy goes back and forth between loving being a parent and wondering why in the world they had kids. Even though there are times I wish I had my old freedom, I can't imagine not having them to love. My heart would just be empty without my little men.

I can say that because it is 7:50 in the morning and Barrett is playing on his own and Fisher is sleeping. :) I might feel differently in ten minutes.